Juansday // Week 8

Guys, this week of the Bachelor was more than a little rough for Bradley. The love of Brad's Juan's life got sent home and he still hasn't recovered from it. It is like he is mourning the loss of his own relationship...and yet I am still here. Not sure how I feel about it, but whatever, I hope he finds love with Renee and her bracelet making son Ben someday. Anyway, let's get to his recap. It is a little on the pathetic side, but can you blame him, he is heartbroken this week. Good news for you guys, less words to read. I know reading a lot of words can be hard.


The Bachelor Week 8 Recap

Juan Pablo officially sucks

After eight weeks of The Bachelor, we are officially down to our final two girls.  Nikki and Clare are the last two standing after all the group dates and the one-on-one dates with Juany Pabs.

I’m not going to lie to you all, the two shows this week had a hard time keeping my attention.  I think I’ve officially had too much Juan Pablo.  He bores me. To be frank, Juany Pabs is boring, and I’m fairly certain that whomever ends up with JP in the end is going to be miserable.  Unless that person is Clare, then everyone loses.

I don’t want to live in a world where Renee is sent home in favor of Clare.  Juany Pabs sent home the one person (Renee) who actually has feelings for him, and who would be the best fit for him in the end.  It says a lot when two of Juany Pabs’ top five girls left the show on their own accord because they didn’t have feelings for him.

Let’s look at the top reasons why Juan Pablo sucks as The Bachelor.

8//  Juan Pablo chose this:

over this:

Idiot. ... I want to feel bad for you, Bradley. I really do...but I don't. You Juanny and Renee are not meant to be. #BrookeEdit

7// Clare is in the top two.  Clare stepped out of the limo FAKING A PREGNANCY! Let us never forget that.  This SCREAMS red flag:

6//  The first thing Juan Pablo says in any situation where a girl is upset is “Look at me.” Followed shortly afterwards by “stop crying.” Ladies, you have to love that kind of empathy in a man right?  

5//  Every date this season seemingly took place in or around the water. I get that a large part of this show is based around the premise of “let’s look at the pretty girls,” but Juany Pabs would have no idea what to do with himself in a city like Sacramento.

4//  He uses his daughter as an excuse to not kiss some girls, while then proceeding to make out with other girls without a question.  Be careful not to get too close though, because he will DEFINITELY use his daughter as an excuse to shame you after banging him in the ocean.

3// Juan Pablo’s idea of an ideal date goes something like this:
JP: You Look so beautiful in your bikini surrounded by all this water.
Girl: Thanks, you look great yourself. You know, I’ve been thinking a lot and I want to know a little more about you.
JP: Un besito! (leans in for a kiss)
Girl: (after the kiss) That was nice. Where do you see this relationship headed? Do you Can you see me as your wi…
JP: BESITO!!!! (leans in for kiss)

So yeah, Juan Pablo is a great guy, so long as you don’t actually have to talk with him.

2//  Juan Pablo loves touching faces.  Loves it. With his limited grasp of English and his insistence of grabbing everyone’s face in his hands, Juan Pablo looks like Helen Keller. (My apologies to Helen Keller, for comparing you to JP).  But seriously:

I’m telling you, it’s like the Lionel Richie “Hello” video:

1//  When the two most intelligent girls on this show dump you, and one of them specifically says “I wish I was dumber” in reference to why things aren’t working, you know you have issues.

So yeah, I’m a little burnt out on the Bachelor this season.  I wish I could spice up this recap a little more, but Juan Pablo has sucked my will to write anything.  That may be the biggest reason of all why this Bachelor sucks.

Let’s at least hope for a good finale.

Unless Clare wins, then I’m burning this place to the ground.

-Sad Brad

Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,


Kait said...

i dont watch the bachelor but i'll tell you what, a man grabbing my face has always been a turn on for me. don't know why.

Ash said...

i just feel like telling brad, "it's ok"... (;

i havent watched the bachelor since maybe the 3rd season or so, but i invested this year because my close girlfriends were watching it.. WHAT A WASTE of my time. JP is just... all the negative adjectives one can use... i actually was so proud of andi for everything she fucking said.. ugh.. im just over him. and i hope he ends up with clare and the world ends just so i never have to see him again.

Katie Qué said...

I don't watch this show for a plethora of reasons but I'm enjoying these recaps nonetheless. Juan Pablo sounds like a huge POS.

Ashley said...

I want to feel bad for Bradley, but I can't because I'm SO HAPPY that the two best girls didn't get stuck with that one.

Brad Snook said...

Next week is the Women Tell All episode. I'm interested to see what happens when Juan Pablo is forced to converse without actually trying to make out with his discarded flock.

We all see that he's walking into a hornet's nest, but are powerless to stop it. For one of the first times ever, I'm rooting for the hornets.

Kasey Lynne said...

I called it. Juany Pabs is BORING and that's why I didn't watch this season.

Good riddance JP and Clare. I hope you have a miserably, fulfilling life together ;)

RIP Renee

Chasing Elephants said...

I am kinda and my kinda I really am glad I didn't waste my time watching this season.

Helene in Between said...

we are already to week 8?! this is crazy, it went by so fast (thank god, sorry just not a fan of this season.) that last pic is the best thing, ever.

Laura {happily ever} Parker said...

Just let this show be over already!! No mater who he ends up with it won't be his wife!

Kenzie S said...

Honestly, I am glad that Renee went home because she deserves someone so much better than Juan Pablo. Also, he does have some weird face touching fetish.

Shane Prather said...

HAHA! Why am I finding your series this late in the season! He really does suck.

Shenine joon said...

Ha! This was fantastic! Perfect recap!

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I stopped watching but I'm definitely tuning into Women Tell All!!!

Erica Jacquline said...

This is so amazing. I had to quit the JP. I really liked him when he was on the Bachelorette, then as soon as he started talking more I was over it. Maybe some women need to see him be weird to know what not to look out for in a relationship?

Fairy Princess Jord said...

You basically summed it all up. Juan Pablo is SO annoying.

Fairy Princess Jord said...

You basically summed it all up. Juan Pablo is SO annoying.

Sarah Flandro said...

I've only watched a few episodes this season, because I really don't like JP. I think he's rude and pretty full of himself. I love your recap, you're hilarious!! :) I'm looking forward to the Women Tell All episode coming up. I can't wait to see them call him out on his BS!!

xo, Sarah
Hustla, baby.

Anonymous said...

Totally 100% agree with all this. If I see JP push hair away from another girls ear, I might die. Seriously, NO PUEDO.

KAI said...

This made me laugh SOOOO hard! Hahaha I can't get over the hello video reference LMAO! Anyway, I hate this dude. And I'm so happy my top two girls chose to leave him instead of not getting a stupid rose. I can't wait for the tell all episode tomorrow!!