Starbucks. Why must you be so complicated? Here is the deal, I have a very love / hate relationship when it comes to Starbucks. Yes, I have wasted enough money there that I am a gold card member. Yes, I love red cup season. Yes, I extra love iced coffee time --- but I just can't handle how big of a deal they make everything.
Like yesterday for instance, it was uncharacteristically hot for April at over 80 degrees here in Portland and I wanted to treat myself to an iced coffee on my lunch break...And not just any iced coffee, but I was craving an iced coffee in a delicious, perfect texture of ice, blended, slushie form. With that being said - all I wanted was some iced coffee blended up with some soy milk. No pumps of sweetener. No whipped cream. No extra bells and whistles. So, I walk up to the counter and here is the exchange between the barista and I after I have stared blankly at the menu for a few moments searching for anything that might resemble what I am craving.
Me: Hi, so I was wondering does the Caffe Espresso Frappuccino have a lot of extras in it or is it more just a blended iced coffee?
Barista: Oh no, the Caffee Espresso doesn't have much extra to it. They really try to highlight just the espresso flavor in this drink.
Me: Oh Perfect, I'm trying to stay away from extra sugars and dairy if possible. Can I get it with soy milk, please?
Barista: Oh well, it does come with an espresso infused whipped cream and Italian drizzle that is delicious.
Me: Wait? What? I thought you just said it didn't come with anything extra. Ok then, can I get it without the whipped cream and the sugary drizzle please? If I wanted sugar I would ask for it. Don't just go throwing Diabeetus in there!
Barista: But the whipped cream is really good, it is infused with espresso!!!
Me: I know you mentioned that. I still don't want it. I am cutting out dairy.
Barista: So since you're not getting the extras. Do you just want the coffee frappuccino then?
Me: Wait?! Coffee Frappuccino was an option? But it is not up on the board!? Do you people have a secret menu that I don't know about?! Now I am so confused. Why can't you just say here are small, medium, large, here are flavors we offer, here is coffee. Yes, I would just like the coffee frappuccino then if that is an option. No sugary drizzle, no whipped cream. Just blended coffee, please.
Naturally, I was super awkward during this whole exchange and started to get red and splotchy trying to explain what I wanted. Besides, all I wanted was the simplest drink on the menu - coffee goodness in slushie form. Is that so hard to make, Starbucks?!?!? I am pretty sure whatever I ended up with still had extra sugars and sweeteners in it, but at that point I just gave up. I took my drink and quickly power walked away. This is why I need to just stick to the Kcups at the office. I wonder if my boss would get annoyed if I brought a blender into work?! That wouldn't be loud or anything....
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Cheers to Iced Coffee?
<3 BB
31 comments
they always give me the stink eye when i say no whip. but i dont fucking like whipped cream. GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OH wow, that's ridiculous. How did the barista not understand what you wanted in the beginning. I just don't get it....
That gif is incredible though, starbucks makes me face palm myself sometimes.
I seriously get the worst looks when I ask for things without whipcream.. Like I KNOW you put enough sugar in the actual drink that I don't need the whipped sugar on top, ok? Except that now I'm totally craving coffee in slushie form and I'm going to have to make a trip on my lunch break and have this exact awkward exchange...
Seeing that I know you in real life I got a sad "oh no" face followed by a giggle when you mentioned your nervous splotchy skin. BLENDED COFFEE here I come!
that first gif is hilarious - how do i not know where that is from?
i have a love hate relationship with starbucks. i dont drink coffee, but they make some yummy iced drinks and EVERY time I go there, I ask for what I want and say at least 10 times 'no coffee, right?' and they say yeah yeah no coffee and 9 times out of ten it has coffee. 'oh i thought you meant no extra shot. IF I MEANT THAT I WOULD HAVE SAID THAT.
lol.
but god almighty i love their whipped cream - i really shouldnt though.
I feel this post so hard! All I drink is plain old coffee and the occasional latte. The baristas always look at me like I have two heads. 'Just a PLAIN coffee???? Okay... your funeral...' (I may have added that last part)
Starbucks can be too complicated. IT'S JUST FREAKIN' COFFEE!
That gif is absolutely perfect! I bought a Nespresso and Keurig....two best purchases ever. I get an extra 20 minutes of sleep in the morning now as well :-)
so i admit i turned up the volume hoping that GIF would play like a movie clip but sadly no... and that is why i dont go to starbucks too confusing, they ask too many questions so i end up the simplest drink so people in line behind me dont get annoyed at me like in elementary school and the water fountain 1, 2, 3, you are done
I feel like such a dumb ass every.time. I order there. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST USE SMALL, MEDIUM AND LARGE?! And they DO have a secret menu. ;) Google that shit, woman!
i always feel so dumb at starbucks. like i really have no idea what i'm doing. and what's up with the secret drinks?!
I have a Starbucks in my lobby. I don't even want to know how many calories I have consumed or drinks I have purchased. Order a coffee light frap next time you are there. I always get that and it's just a regular coffee with non-fat milk (or I suppose you could skip the milk all together!)
I have only been to Starbucks once and got a hot chocolate... and it was the worst tasting hot chocolate I've ever had! LOL I'm a weirdo for sure :)
I've been getting more daring for asking for what I want at cafes/restaurants, but it still makes me feel nervous and blotchy. I feel ya. Secret menu, what?
My skin gets red and splotchy all the time too!!! When I am sad, mad, nervous, frustrated, ahhhh! Just give her the damn icey coffee and stop being a douche canoe barista slave!
I am awkward every. single. time. I go into Starbucks and order something. I always forget what I normally order so I try to explain it but I sound like an idiot. Plus I hate their fancy size names, I just want a large. That first gif had me laughing pretty hard!
The gifs are perfect, as always!
Um... I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not, but yes, they do have a secret menu. With all sorts of craziness like Grasshopper/Smores/Banana Split Frapps! I literally only order one of three things there though, because otherwise I get flustered and feel like an idiot. Those baristas are reallly good at making you feel dumb!
ordering coffee is so, so hard
But now all I want is the caffe whatever frappucino... And um yeah, I think a blender at work is the best answer, sorry boss!
Starbucks is my no better place to go Coffee stop ... I love the "You're stupid in 3 languages" gif.
lolz. we'll make our own damn frappuccinos when I come visit.
I vote next time your order a coffee slushy with soy... but coffee frappacino lite w/ soy is what you are looking for. sugar free.
I miss Starbucks. A lot. And yeah I know it's overpriced and most things there are like 234820398123 calories but a coffee frap sounds awesome right now. It's HOT here dude...like 55 today!
Anyhow. What movie is that first gif from?? Paul Rudd = amazeballs and I must have missed that one somehow.
Hahah seriously!!! This is me at Starbucks! It's so annoying! WHY CANT YOU LIST ALL THE CHOICES SO I DONT STAMMER LIKE AN IDIOT!
lolololol
This is why I have never been to Starbuck, gasp I know.
That sounds like a stressful ordeal! Maybe they're hoping, the more stressed out you get, the more coffee you will want to drink. Although coffee has the opposite effect from being soothing. They'll have a bunch of angry, nervous, hopped-up customers on their hands!
THIS. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's like I'm talking in some weirdo Myra-language every time I ask for a simple coffee slush. I mean wtf.
I say we open our own store and call it The Simple Coffee Slush (with no whipped cream).
I feel like the "new" employees at Starbucks are like that, but the tried and true employees who have their s*** together would've offered the coffee frappucino right off the bat.
Some people....
Oh, I have never had Starbucks but every time I hear something like that it makes me glad that I haven't. I love coffee in all forms but gah, that just sounds like a nightmare!
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